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I'm scared and dont know what to do.
I am 23 years old right now. The first and last time I had sex was almost 4 years ago on my 20th birthday. incidentally, that was also the night I became pregnant with my daughter. I was drunk that night so there is not a whole lot that I remember except that Im positive I wasnt raped.
My issue is i have this weird obsession with erotica that at first was controlled through solely reading erotic novels of all sorts. I am constantly reading sexual stuff and researching my feelings. I cant actually masturbate because the last few times I tried it didnt go well. Im more of a cerebral being than than a physical one which I think stems from a lifetime of low self-esteem issues that I still have yet to shake off.
Back to the issue at hand, I just have to be immersed in the literary world of sexuality and I mean its all the time. Even when its an inappropriate time, I have a book out reading. Just recently I started watching erotica on television and was so into it that I continued to watch it for long periods of time. When I could find no more satisfaction from that I started looking online for erotic videos that have actually kind of grossed me out but im so fascinated that I am constantly looking for more.
I keep telling myself that im only human and that my complete lackof experience is pushing my mind and body to make demands that I dont know IM ready to meet. So I keep pacifying myself with this literary and visual stimulation, but like I said its spilled over into the rest of my life in a way that is just unhealthy. I have constant cravings that I go unfulfilled.
Is there something wrong with me?
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