My ex broke up with my a month ago,
i thought i could get passed it, but eventually i haven't been feeling myself.
i never realized how much i hurted him, last 2 days he texted me telling me how he felt when i broke up with him all those times,
but my reason was because i didn't want to get attatched,
eversince since Middle School i've been so close minded.
i get scared to get attatched to someone because i know at the end they'll end up going away..
i feel regretful for ever doing that to him, because now i'm in the position i put him through.
people tell me to find another guy, but how can i move on when i'm really in love with him?
all this month i've been crying myself to sleep, regreting what i've lost.
i wish i could have him back, but i'm sure that won't happen.
in my life i've had breakups, but they were nothing like this.
this is the first breakup i've been depressed about.
i don't go out and enjoy things anymore.
i rather stay inside and just think to myself.
all my life i wanted to meet someone who will love me for myself, and when i did, i let him go away, because of my fault.
ii don't know what to do anymore.
i don't want to move on, but i know i should because this isn't healthy..
but i can't.
i don't know how to.
i still talk to my ex, but it's not the same.
& everytime i express my feelings out it seems like he doesn't even care.
my friends try to cheer me up, but nothing works when all you have inside is negativity.
i know healing will take long, but i don't know.
lately i've been having suicidal thoughts, because i always think to myself that i'm not good enough for someone. i'm nothing special, but just a girl.
I never knew how to cherish things.
& i go back to my childhood i've never felt loved until i found him,
my mom left me at age 3 with my grandma' and that has always been a scar in my life.
she came back though, but it wasn't the same.
i've always felt unwanted, unloved, until i met my ex.
i got soo attatched that now i'm just suffering from the loss.
i don't know what to do, someone please help me because i don't know who i can go to, because everyone just tells me to get over it, to move on, and to stop bitching about it,
but how can i when i'm suffering from a loss,..?