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« Last post by Crazy mom on Today at 04:37:27 AM »
Age 5, 12, 18, 22, 30,40 I have the same feeling. I am crazy. I'm a little more insightful but I still feel the same at my core. As I've gotten older, I lean more toward the thought that I will never get any better. I am harnessed by drugs so I can deal with life but I still think it would be better if I weren't here. I'm on the 14 year plan. I just have to make it that far so my son will be able to cope with the inevitable end. I have the same desire to run that I have always had. Instead of packing my few belongings, I think about getting in my car and running away. Despite all of this, I keep trying. I take my pills, I see my therapist, and seek out information as to why I am this way. I keep a lot of my thoughts to myself because if my husband, friends, or family knew how matter of fact my thoughts are, they would no doubt be affected. As I said, I'm trying. I came to this forum to try to have some outlet for the thoughts that rack my mind. I hope at the very least to have a distraction.