So my boyfriend is a hypochondriac.... yay me!! I do not know how to deal with this, and he gets upset with me very easily because he thinks that I do not care. It is not I do not care about his wellbeing. I do and I care a lot. However, when you have some sort of illness on a daily basis and complain all throughout the day....every day how am I supposed to know that you are really sick.

We moved, and have lived here since August...He has worked one month out of 6. I have worked and gone to school ever since. He lied and told people he still had a job because he was embarrassed. (BIG turn off but I could see where he was embarrassed. No job. Girlfriend brings in the dough, and he has to rely on the folks to help me out since I make him pay for his half, but still turn off that he feels the need to lie to others. Makes me hope he does not lie to me). Anyways, the point is you would think that he would feel the need and desire to do anything and everything under the sun to get a job and keep a job right???

Well during his months of half ass job search he claimed to be "too" depressed to go look for a job, or he would play his videos games all night then get up at 10 to go job hunter. My thoughts are he is already late with the search should have been out at 730 waiting for places to open up. Him not having a job was our largest issue. Well finally gets a job. He goes in for final interview doesn't start work until 4 days later goes to work that day comes home that was orientation doesn't start work again for another 3 more days.

He works 2 days in a row (half days mind you), gets one day off, and then this morning has the nerve to tell me he has a headache and is calling out of work. He has been "sick" every day for the past 5 weeks and on and off "sick" multiple times through the week for the past 6 months... Was I shallow for getting upset this morning? Was it wrong for me to tell him to suck it up and go to work, and if you still feel bad let them tell you to go home? Was it heartless of me to say if you lose this job I am going to be very disappointed?

Well he called out his somewhat third day of work. Luckily they told him to get rest and come in at 2 instead of 8. I was still upset, and look down upon not even attempting to get up and go, but I have high expectations he does not.

I do not see any of this as heartless. How am to believe when one is really truly sick when that is a part of their everyday activity. If he was like myself and rarely sick on occasion then yes I would feel bad and give him the much wanted attention, and wait on him. However, I find such distaste even in showing him minor pity when he complains about an illness these days.

It is so bad that he has anxiety attacks that make him want to go to the emergency room and have tests done (which bill collectors call because he has been to the hospital more times than I have ever known someone to go) he has been twice in 6 months, but I should feel good about that because according to his old roommate and parents he was in and out of the hospital all last year on a month to month basis.... Stuff that was nothing that he turned into something.

We get into HUGE fights when he claims to be sick and I don't believe him. He says that I am calling him a liar. It is not that I don't think he is not telling the truth, however, I think he is working up his body to believe that something is wrong with him.

Once example when we split up. He does not like to be left alone. I was going out of town to a friend’s graduation that I had known about for over a year. (I had known her before him, and she had been with me through some pretty rough times. Not to mention she does not have a very stable family, and I am her family). The night before I was to leave, he had an attack and we were in the hospital....for hours. As I was sitting there watch the minutes tick by hoping that he was okay he started to get fidgety. He acted perfectly normal, none of his vitals were abnormal when we go to the ER, and he kept asking the nurses to run tests, or saying they were not doing a good enough job to figure out what was wrong. He kept doing this questioning the procedures and their decisions and their comments. So I was getting annoyed. On top of that I was wondering if he was pulling this stunt so I would not leave for the weekend. Sorry but in my opinion this is selfish.

We leave the hospital... him healthy as a horse... still complaining that something is wrong and they didn't do a good job. So I really began to question it. I was asked do you think it is all your mind tricking you, and you are working yourself up way too much here lately? Me asking this was his attack of me calling him a liar. Okay thanks for taking it that way. So are you? He got mad called me a cold heartless B**** and how could I say that when he is so ill. Also that I was not going to go see my friends graduation now. I am sorry sick or not you are not going to demand me to stay at home. If the situation had been different and he was truly ill and had asked and not demanded then yes. But someone who loves you like they should ;would never make you chose like that. Not in my book. Huge fight and I wasn't dealing with it and I left and told him to leave to.

However, we are back together obviously and I am now beginning to question my intelligence when it comes to dating. We are however on common grounds that this is our last chance in the relationship, but I can't help to think why did I even let it happen. Now that I am the cold heartless person because I should come home baby him since he is sick all the time, has headaches every hour on the hour, his heart pounds furious even though it feels normal to me, and he gets nauseated every other day (yes he has been to the hospital and to see doctors outside of the ER he is fine)....I am the woman and should look after all his needs.

Guess I am just selfish and he reminds me of this every single day. It also gets in the way of us going out on the weekends, and going out of town. Lord forbids he as a freak out while driving 30 minutes down the road and he cannot get to the hospital in time. He used to say we could live in my hometown, but now it is too far from a hospital, and he knows that I am going to have a farm someday. Where does a farm fit near a hospital.... I refuse to live near the city, and my town is 30 to 40 minutes away from one. So as you can see this relationship is on a rocky slope.

Sincerely,
   Bull Shit Blocker

You're not being selfish here, though your approach may be a little callous. As sinahm said, he really needs to see a therapist about this, not a doctor. It's perfectly understandable that you're fed up with these fits he has, but you need to lay the facts out for him; make him understand that you can't stay home and take care of him all the time, and that he needs to take care of you some of the times, too. You're being held back by his behavior, and he needs to understand that it isn't a healthy relationship for either of you. How you approach him about it is up to you, but I'd sim a spammerest you tell him as calmly as possible without wavering from your point. It isn't fair of him to deny you the things you want from life, and if you're going to give him this last chance, he needs to understand how things stand. Be strong, explain what's going on, and be firm.