Ok SaraLT

Read the whole thing...

Here I am, put through the ringer my whole life. Abused, molested, neglected, manipulated, raped, cheated on, tortured, abandoned, bullied and rejected. There has never been a high point in my life accept for my kids and now they have genetic disorders that are so severe they are sick all the time. In the mean time I have spent my whole life helping others. I finally had a melt down this last bit.

Don't I know if it gets better not really, but I have. I have gotten out of the slums, gotten a bachelors, helped prevent suicides, taught people how to get out of poverty get into a University, how to deal with SSI, welfare without being forever on the system, how to find faith in themselves, overcome learning disabilities, overcome rape and abuse, how to communicate in a relationship, tell when you are being used, when a friend is on drugs or cheating. I think my whole horrible life is the way it is so that other people don't have to have a life like it.

Is that a light at the end of the tunnel? maybe not for me but my kids aren't abused, neglected and I am finally making a dent in the bullying problem in my home town's school system. I guess I have learned to measure my successes in the way i can help others through the experiences I have already suffered.

Now some advice if you are no longer unemployed and this was a long time ago he has no right to throw that in your face. He may need to know why you did it what things were so stressful that they lead you to this action. Peopel are more understanding when they know why you are acting the way you are. He may need what you had though, a mental break. The first thing to consider is marriage counseling. followed by a break for him. How will you manage this? Well things like having someone come in to clean for you once a week so that isn't on the plate you guys when you get home. Maybe a hobby he can pursue like golf or tennis or painting or hiking. It doesn't matter what it is just that it isn't at home. He needs a me place.

Also try stepping up your efforts to show you are a participating member of the partnership. But tell him in advance because people often miss when someone is doing things that are extra. Tell him ok well from now on I will do x amount of yard work or cleaning or what ever it is. It is important though that it not be too much for you to handle. If he is unappreciative then you have deeper issues.

If it continues just know that how he is treating you it is unacceptable. And you need to lay down the law. Every time he brings up the past go for a walk. Don't blow up just say, "When we can deal with the issues at hand without bring up the past we can talk for now I need time to cool down away from things that are no longer relevant." It takes his pet poking stick away. He will be forced to listen and focus on the issues. What ever you do, do not walk off when he is actually focusing on the issues or it will leave you both voiceless and he will get worse not better.

For the depression medication might need to be an option for you. If you can't afford it or help try this: vitamin B, D and C are all regulators of emotional wellbeing. Chamomile tea will help you sleep at night or any sleep medication where the active ingredient is dyphenhydramine as this is not addictive and can be purchased over the counter, drink extra water it is dehydrating without it. Exercise at least three times a week for thirty minutes the endorphins help with feeling empowered and sunlight which is a natural mood lifter at least fifteen minutes to half an hour daily.

If you are already doing all this then seek help through your state with getting some medical help. Keep in mind I am not a doctor just the daughter of a pharmacist/medic who has been taught these things over the years. they don't always work so outside help must remain an option.

You also need  a live support group. This place is a good start but people close to you are best. If you don't have someone try looking for support groups that meet in your town in areas that you have issues in. Me I am trying rape support groups and trauma support groups.

If you just need a break books are excellent escapes just don't hide their forever. The library itself is a good place to walk to when you need quiet time in the winter and the parks in the summer. Have a friend meet you at a coffee shop even if you don't drink coffee, hot chocolate or tea might be nice to just talk over.

When you are frustrated screaming is an excellent outlet try driving off into some isolated place and screaming at the top of your lungs. It sounds silly but it isn't and it really helps.

This is a lot to take in but, I hope they help.