You know you have all these disorders and i hope you are getting help for them through counseling. Trust is exactly what is wrong here. someone has hurt you terribly and now you only go for the unobtainable guys. You need to step back and find the source of your phobia. Likely as not it stems from somewhere crucial like your family relationship though sometimes it can be from people who have just over a long period of time let you down like many boyfriends. You are less likely to be in need of feeling wanted but since you are sure it will fail anyway you seek people that it will not hurt to lose. This is very evident in your detached response to the pain that your friend is going through with her husband. You keep a wall up so you don't suffer but like you I have done this and the truth is you don't celebrate either. Yes it was his fault but, one rule of thumb will really help you. Pick guys who aren't fresh out of a bad relationship. No more chasing married men even if they are supposedly getting divorced. They will only reinforce that men are jerks and you shouldn't trust them when in fact it is just that they aren't ready to be in a relationship and are still caught up in loving someone else. They can love but they aren't ready to.

Talk to your counselor and tell him/her that you feel detached and only pick unavailable guys (for what ever reason they are unavailable) and that you have something blocking you whether it is self esteem or hurt from the past. Try to remember you are your own worst critic and usually it is you standing in your way that keeps you from loving and being loved and that what seems like a big issue to you may not be to your partner.