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Posted: 29/07/2010 00:27
im 21 years old and i've never discussed this with anyone. I've almost mastered the skill of taking a bad memory and pushing it so far back in my mind that it almost seems like it never happened. When I was 6 years old or I may have been 5 I just know I was in Kindergarten. I had a friend her name was angel she was older then me. I think she was maybe 9 or 10 im not sure. I do know she was younger then my older brother who was 13 or 14 at the time. Angel also has a brother who was the same age as my brother and they were friends as well. Angel was my best friend. I remember if there were kids in the neighberhood who were mean or picked on me she was like an older sister who looked out for me and protected. We played together all the time. I remember riding bikes all over the place together. At the time i obviously didnt know this wasnt normal or wrong but looking back if I ever caught a child of mine in this situation i hoenstly dont know what I would do. Angel introduced me to a new game of pretend. It was called boyfriend girlfriend. I would always be the girlfriend and she was the boyfriend. She never kissed me on the lips but she would lay on top of my under the covers and I guess you could say grind on me and she would breath on my neck. Then i just saw this as another game we'd play. Not long after that her brother ricky started playing with us more. Like riding bikes with us and playing catch outside things like that. Soon though we started playing boyfriend girlfriend. but this time there was kissing. Obviously at that age i knew kisses were ment for people you liked. And i know i liked my friends and ricky was a friend so i thought or so it seemed. But not only did he kiss me on the cheek and on the lips i was told when you kiss your boyfriend you do it with your mouth open. It makes me sick thinking i was exposed to this at such a young age but liek i said it just seemed like a normal game to me then. When me and ricky would play boyfriend girlfriend it was like we were playign house. We'd hold hands and he'd tell me i was pretty. I remember we'd playing outside my house and he'd spin around one hand would be hold my arm the other would be on my waist but everytime he'd go to put me down his hand would always rub "down there" now this horrible part of this memory only happened once.. My family ended up moving not long after this happend due to my father being in the military. I remember i was over at angels house and we were playing dolls or something i cant remember where everyone was but i know it was getting late and i was going to spend the night there. Well ricky took me into someones room i dont remember whose room it was but we started playing boyfriend girlfriend. This time though it went way farther. Honestly just htinkin about this is making me sick. I remember laying on the bed on him ontop of me like always but this time he took one leg out of my pants i guess i thought this was just a new part of the game.. i dont event hink he said sex i dont think i even knew what that was as i shouldn thave i was 6! but i remember him pulling out his stuff and me not knowing what was going on. He proceeded to try and put it inside me all i remember is feeling pressure down there but i dont know if it ever went it. It all happened so fast i know and i thank GOD that a few seconds after that i hear my name being called and footsteps ricky jumped off me and told me to put my shorts back on he unlocked the door and maybe his mom or older sister someone told me my mom was at the door. I thank God that he put on her heart not to let me stay the night. She came and picked me up i mean it was only 5 houses or so down the street but She didnt want me to stay the ngiht so I didnt. After that I remember not playing with angel that much anymore and liek I said we moved not long after that. There have been other times similar to this btu they happend when I was a bit older maybe 10 or 11 and again happened with a friend of my brothers he was actually a childhood friend i knew from when I was 6 too they were older now i thkn maybe 18 ot 19 old enough to drive and visit us in florida. Even my friends noticed something weird when he came to visit. He'd always let us play video games and he would just watch us. He'd tickle me and that seemed normal but sometimes his hands would touch me in innappropriate places. I would never say stop or no or tell my mom or brother because id idnt want to get introuble or get him in trouble i would just make up an excuse to leave the room or get away from him. At that age i KNEW somethign was wrong and my best way was to just ignore it and walk away from it. Ive never been the tattle tale kind of girl. i dont know it just doesnt seem like that big of a deal it was such a long time ago. and i liek to think im normal. Ive had normal relatioinships with boys. I thanks God for that. I mean obviously in my teenage years I did slip with my relatioinship with God and i did have sex with a logn time boyfriend but thats a story in itself dated for a loong time broke up because he cheated on me i kidna went a little sex crazy for a couple months i blame the break up but i think thats a normal reactiong for young women when in a long term relationship when its over they sometimes tend to let loose for a while then manage to come back to reality which ive done. For the most part i dont really see or notice any side effects from these experiences as a child. Other then I deff dont like to hurt people and in most cases i tend to put other peoples needs before my own even if it means my happiness is on the line but i dont see that as a bad thing but i know its not always good to put other first becaus eyou need to take care of yourself as well. i really just wanted to tell my story if anyone has any advice or words of wisdom please feel free to share id appreciate it. thank you for takign the time to read this.
the hardest part now in dealing with this is do i tell my parents? its tough enough talking about it let alone with the people who loves you and always want to protect you. it almost doesnt seem worth it sometimes i feel like i should EVENTUALLY tell them but when and do i have to?
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Posted: 29/07/2010 01:01
Wow, do you know how many people can relate to that gross in the pit of your stomach feeling. You are not alone. You are at a great point in dealing with this. You may not know it but you are making progress. Look back at your story and read what you wrote, I think you will see the process of you making another step towords healing. Some times we have to hurt to heal. Like putting anibiotic on a cut, we know it is good for us but man does it sting. Thank you for sharing and I would like to give you advice but I do not want to mess with the natural process that you are going threw to heal your self. You really are doing well with facing this. keep coming back and share your steps of healing, I would love to be able to help you celebrate each step to getting towords feeling better about this and taking back the control of your life that they tried to steel. Hugs to you, big smiles, pats on the back, and wishing you to keep your eyes open to how well you are doing and how good you are handleing this. Don't take any short cuts, face it full on and heal completely, you don't want to end up in the doctors office because you got an effection for not taking care of you, scars we can live with, infections that need constant care for the rest of our lives is hard to deal with. You heal you, you will be greatful for it!!!! :)
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Posted: 29/07/2010 08:41
Hi, I hope you feel better for getting it off your chest. Sometimes thats all it takes! The only thing i can think of is that it's fairly normally for young kids to become aware of their body parts and leads them to be curious about certain sexual things, and it seems to be acted out through role play but not normally through trying to have intercourse with a 5 or 6 year old. That's wrong.
I think you got away in the nick of time cos it could of been a million times worse for you. That family sounds bloody wierd, it almost sounds like that Angel was grooming you and maybe she was pressured by her sick brother. I can understand that it makes you feel sick, it makes me shudder by just the thought of it.
If you think it has affected you in a traumatic way, then you should talk to someone and if you think that telling your parents will make you feel better, then tell them.
You need to be prepared for the out come so I seriously suggest you think about what you think you will gain from it. your parents will probably feel really guilty for not protecting you and untrust worthy for not telling them sooner, they may even track down that boy now man and do something that may put them in jeapordy with the law. I can imagine if it was me and i told my dad, he would put a contract on him.
if you feel you need some justice , i would go to the police. This man could well be a peodo now and the police need to be aware of him.
You sound well adjusted and seem to have normal relationships and if you want to have lots of sex with different people, thats fine too, as long as your doing it for you and its what you want, fill ya boots. Just make sure you protect yourself. x
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