Low self-esteem

Self-esteem is the overall opinion you have of yourself: how much you value, respect and accept who you are. It is closely related to self-worth, your sense of being worthy of love and respect, and to self-confidence, your belief in your abilities in specific areas.

Healthy self-esteem does not mean thinking you are perfect or better than others. It means having a balanced, realistic view of your strengths and limitations and treating yourself with basic kindness.

Low self-esteem tends to be more stable than a bad day. It involves deeply held beliefs such as "I'm not good enough," "I'm unlovable" or "I'm a failure." These beliefs can feel like facts, and they shape how people interpret events, often filtering out positive experiences and magnifying negative ones.

Low self-esteem can show up in many ways:

• Harsh self-criticism and negative self-talk
• Feeling not good enough or inferior to others
• Lack of confidence in decisions or abilities
• Difficulty accepting compliments
• Fear of failure and avoiding challenges
• People-pleasing and struggling to say no
• Insecurity in relationships and fear of rejection
• Comparing yourself to others constantly
• Perfectionism or, alternatively, giving up easily
• Neglecting your own needs

Some people with low self-esteem appear confident on the outside but feel insecure inside. Others become withdrawn or self-deprecating.

Low self-esteem usually develops over time through experiences such as:

• Harsh criticism, neglect or lack of warmth in childhood
• Bullying, discrimination or social rejection
• Unrealistic expectations at home or school
• Traumatic experiences or abusive relationships
• Ongoing stress, unemployment or financial difficulties
• Chronic illness or disability
• Social media comparison and unrealistic standards

Mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, social anxiety and eating disorders often involve low self-esteem, and low self-esteem can make these conditions worse. It is not a personal failing; it is a learned pattern that can be changed.

Therapy is one of the most effective ways to work on low self-esteem. Cognitive behavioral therapy helps you identify negative core beliefs, notice how they affect your thoughts and behaviors and test them against evidence. It also encourages new experiences that challenge old beliefs.

Compassion-focused therapy helps people develop a kinder inner voice, which is especially helpful for those with strong self-criticism or shame. Schema therapy addresses long-standing patterns rooted in childhood. Acceptance and commitment therapy helps you act according to your values even when self-doubt is present.

If low self-esteem is linked to depression, anxiety or trauma, treating these conditions is an important part of the process.

Psychologists, clinical psychologists and psychotherapists can help with low self-esteem. In a first session, you might talk about how you see yourself, where these beliefs may have come from and how they affect your life today. Together, you will set goals that feel meaningful to you.

Consider seeking support if low self-esteem affects your relationships, work or studies, keeps you in harmful situations or comes with persistent sadness, anxiety or hopelessness. If you have thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988 in the US, Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK and Ireland, or your local emergency number.

Small, consistent steps can make a difference:

• Notice your self-talk and ask whether you would speak to a friend that way.
• Write down things you did well or appreciated each day.
• Set small, achievable goals and acknowledge progress.
• Practice saying no and setting boundaries.
• Spend time with people who treat you with respect.
• Limit comparisons, including on social media.
• Care for your body with rest, movement and nourishment.

Self love is not about feeling good about yourself all the time; it is about treating yourself with care, especially when things are hard.