Bullying

Bullying is different from an ordinary conflict or a one-off argument. It usually has three features: it's intentional, it's repeated or likely to be repeated, and the person doing it has more power, whether physical, social or through status or numbers.

Common forms include:

• Physical: hitting, pushing, tripping, damaging belongings
• Verbal: name-calling, insults, threats, mocking
• Social or relational: excluding someone, spreading rumors, manipulating friendships
• Cyberbullying: harassment through messages, social media, gaming platforms or sharing images without consent

School bullying is the most widely discussed type, but bullying also occurs in workplaces, sports clubs, families and online communities. Bullying related to race, religion, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity or appearance is particularly harmful and, in many places, may also be covered by anti-discrimination rules.

Children often don't tell adults they're being bullied, out of fear, shame or worry that things will get worse. Possible signs include:

• Not wanting to go to school or making excuses to stay home
• Frequent headaches, stomachaches or feeling sick
• Lost or damaged belongings, clothes or devices
• Unexplained injuries
• Changes in eating or sleeping, including nightmares
• Declining grades or loss of interest in schoolwork
• Avoiding friends or social situations; sudden loss of friends
• Seeming anxious, withdrawn, irritable or tearful, especially after school or after being online
• Low self-esteem, self-blame or saying things like "everyone hates me"

These signs can have other causes, but they're always worth exploring. If you think your child is bullied at school or online, choose a calm moment to ask open questions and listen without overreacting.

The effects of bullying can be short- and long-term. People who are bullied may experience:

• Anxiety, depression and low self-esteem
• Loneliness and social withdrawal
• Sleep problems and physical complaints
• Difficulty concentrating and lower academic or work performance
• Symptoms of trauma, such as hypervigilance or intrusive memories
• Self-harm or thoughts of suicide in some cases

For some people, the impact continues into adulthood, affecting trust, relationships and confidence. Being bullied doesn't determine someone's future, though, and support makes a big difference.

Children who bully others also need attention: bullying can be a sign of their own difficulties, such as problems at home, low empathy skills or having been bullied themselves. Bystanders, too, can feel anxious, guilty or unsafe. Effective responses consider everyone involved.

If your child is being bullied:

• Listen calmly and take it seriously. Thank them for telling you and reassure them it's not their fault.
• Avoid promising to keep it secret, but involve them in decisions about next steps.
• Write down what happened, including dates and details. For cyberbullying, save screenshots.
• Contact the school. Ask what their anti-bullying policy is and agree on a plan with clear follow-up.
• Don't encourage retaliation, which can increase harm.
• Help your child stay connected to supportive friends and activities.
• Consider online safety tools, such as blocking and reporting features.

If you're an adult being bullied at work, keep records, seek support from someone you trust, and use workplace procedures such as speaking to a manager or human resources.

Bullying prevention works best at the community level: schools and workplaces with clear rules, active supervision and a culture of respect, where bystanders are encouraged to speak up, see less bullying.

A psychologist, child and adolescent psychologist or licensed therapist can help people who have been bullied rebuild confidence, manage anxiety or low mood, and process upsetting experiences. Approaches include:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to address anxiety, depression and negative beliefs about oneself
• Social skills and assertiveness work
• Trauma-focused therapy, such as trauma-focused CBT or EMDR, when bullying has led to trauma symptoms
• Family sessions to strengthen support at home

Children who bully can also benefit from therapy to understand their behavior and develop empathy and better ways to handle emotions.

In the first appointment, the therapist will ask about what's been happening, how the person is feeling and coping, and what support they have. For children, parents are usually involved.

Seek professional support if bullying has led to persistent anxiety, depression, school refusal, self-harm or major changes in behavior.

Get urgent help if a child or adult talks about wanting to die, harming themselves, or harming others, or if there are threats of violence. In the US, call 911 or call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline); in the UK and Ireland, call Samaritans at 116 123; elsewhere, call your local emergency number.

If someone's physical safety is at risk, contact emergency services or the police. Bullying that involves assault, threats, stalking or sharing intimate images may be a crime.

Even when there's no immediate danger, don't wait for bullying to stop on its own. The sooner a child or adult gets support, the less likely the experience is to leave lasting scars. Reaching out to a school counselor, a doctor or a therapist is a good first step.