The stages of grief
Also searched as: 5 stages of grief · five stages of grief · Kübler-Ross · 7 stages of grief · grief timeline · how long does grief last
The stages of grief are a well-known way of describing emotional reactions to loss. The most famous model, from psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, lists five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Today, experts see these as common experiences rather than fixed steps: grief rarely follows a straight line, and there is no "right" way or timeline to grieve.
What are the 5 stages of grief?
The five stages of grief are often described like this:
- Denial: shock, numbness or disbelief. "This can't be happening." Denial can protect us from feeling everything at once.
- Anger: frustration or rage directed at oneself, others, a higher power, doctors or even the person who died.
- Bargaining: "If only I had..." or "What if..." thoughts, sometimes with guilt and attempts to undo the loss in your mind.
- Depression: deep sadness, emptiness and withdrawal as the reality of the loss sinks in.
- Acceptance: gradually coming to terms with the loss and finding ways to live with it.
Kübler-Ross originally described these stages in people facing their own terminal illness, and they were later applied to bereavement and other losses, such as divorce, job loss or a serious diagnosis. The model gave many people language for feelings that are hard to name, which is one reason it remains so popular.
Beyond the five stages: the 7 stages and other models
You may also see a 7 stages of grief model, which typically adds steps such as shock, guilt, "the upward turn" or reconstruction. These versions are popular ways of describing the experience, but they aren't based on a single scientific framework.
Grief researchers have proposed other helpful ideas:
- The dual process model: grieving people move back and forth between focusing on the loss (crying, remembering) and focusing on restoration (handling daily life, new roles, taking breaks from grief). This oscillation is healthy.
- Tasks of mourning: accepting the reality of the loss, working through the pain, adjusting to a world without the person, and finding an enduring connection with them while moving forward.
- Continuing bonds: staying connected to the person who died, through memories, rituals or values, is normal and often comforting.
What these approaches share is the idea that grief is a process of adapting, not a checklist.
Do the stages of grief happen in order?
Not usually. Most people don't move neatly from one stage to the next. You may feel anger and acceptance on the same day, skip stages entirely or revisit feelings you thought had passed. Anniversaries, holidays, songs or places can bring waves of grief years later.
Grief is also broader than five emotions. Common reactions include:
- Anxiety, fear or a sense of unreality
- Guilt or regret
- Relief, especially after a long illness, which is normal and doesn't mean you didn't care
- Yearning and longing for the person
- Trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, fatigue and difficulty concentrating
- Questioning beliefs or meaning
If you feel you're "doing grief wrong" because your experience doesn't match the stages, you're not. The stages are a description, not a requirement.
How long does grief last?
There is no fixed grief timeline. The intensity of grief usually softens gradually over months, but many people continue to feel sadness and longing for years, especially on meaningful dates. That's a reflection of love and connection, not a sign that something is wrong.
How long grief lasts depends on many factors: the relationship, the circumstances of the loss (sudden, traumatic or expected), other stresses, cultural and religious practices, and the support available.
For some people, grief remains intense and disabling over a long period. Prolonged grief disorder is now recognized in diagnostic manuals. It may be considered when intense longing or preoccupation with the deceased, together with emotional pain, persists well beyond what is expected in the person's culture (generally at least a year after the death for adults) and seriously affects daily functioning. It is treatable.
How therapy can help with grief
Most people grieve without needing therapy, supported by family, friends and community. But professional support can help if grief feels overwhelming, if you feel stuck, or if the loss was traumatic.
A psychologist, grief counselor or licensed therapist can offer:
- A safe space to express feelings without worrying about burdening others
- Help with guilt, anger or unresolved issues
- Support in adapting to changes in roles, identity and daily life
- Specific grief-focused therapies, including approaches based on cognitive behavioral therapy, for prolonged grief
- Trauma-focused work, such as EMDR, when the loss involved traumatic circumstances
Support groups for people who have experienced similar losses can also reduce isolation.
In the first session, a therapist will ask about the loss, your relationship with the person, your current symptoms and what support you have. You can go at your own pace.
When to seek help
Consider reaching out to a professional if, months after the loss:
- You can't function at work, at home or in relationships
- You feel numb, empty or unable to accept the death
- You avoid anything that reminds you of the person
- You're using alcohol or other substances to cope
- You feel intense guilt or believe life has no meaning
If you have thoughts of suicide or of wanting to join the person who died, seek help right away: call or text 988 in the US, call Samaritans at 116 123 in the UK and Ireland, or call your local emergency number.
In the meantime, be gentle with yourself: rest, eat regularly, accept help, and allow both grief and moments of relief.
Frequently asked questions
What are the 5 stages of grief in order?
The five stages in the Kübler-Ross model are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They're often listed in that order, but most people don't experience them sequentially. Feelings can overlap, repeat or appear in a different order, and some people don't experience all of them.
Is it normal to skip stages of grief?
Yes. Many people never go through certain stages, such as anger or bargaining, and that's completely normal. The stages describe common experiences, not mandatory steps. What matters is how you're coping overall, and whether you have support when grief feels heavy.
What is the hardest stage of grief?
There isn't one hardest stage for everyone. Many people find the period of deep sadness most painful, while others struggle most with guilt or anger. Early months after a loss are often intense, but grief can also hit hard on anniversaries or during later life changes.
Who created the stages of grief?
Swiss-American psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the five stages in her 1969 book about people facing terminal illness. The model was later widely applied to bereavement. Researchers have since proposed more flexible models, but Kübler-Ross's work helped open public conversation about death and grief.
Updated 12 November 2026 · For information only: this content does not replace an assessment by a qualified health professional.