About emotional dependency
Emotional dependency shows as an intense fear of abandonment, needing constant approval or staying in relationships that cause harm. Therapy works on self-esteem, boundaries and the patterns learned in previous relationships.
Clinical psychologists are psychologists with specialist training in assessing, diagnosing and treating mental health problems, from anxiety and depression to more complex conditions. In some countries it is a regulated health specialty; Therapy247 checks the registration.
Getting mental health care in New Zealand
Public health system · Health New Zealand | Te Whatu Ora
Free short-term mental health and wellbeing support for mild to moderate distress is offered in many general practices through the Access and Choice programme, delivered by Health Improvement Practitioners and health coaches. Depending on the region you can book directly or be referred by your GP or practice nurse, often on the same day. Availability depends on the practice; people with more severe needs are referred by their GP to specialist mental health services. More information
How to check that a professional is licensed
- New Zealand Psychologists Board (Te Poari Kaimātai Hinengaro o Aotearoa). Psychologist is a protected title: only people registered with the Board may use it, and they also need a current practising certificate. Check the register for their scope of practice (Psychologist or Clinical Psychologist) and practising certificate. Search the official register
Urgent help in New Zealand
If your life or someone else's is in danger, call the emergency number now. These services can help at any time:
- 111 · Emergency (111)
- 1737 · 1737 Need to talk?
- 0800 543 354 · Lifeline Aotearoa
- 0508 828 865 · Suicide Crisis Helpline (0508 TAUTOKO)
Information reviewed in November 2026 · Sources: psychologistsboard.org.nz, mcnz.org.nz, tewhatuora.govt.nz, mentalhealth.org.nz
Signs to look out for
Wanting closeness is human. It may be emotional dependency when your well-being depends almost entirely on one person, you feel intense anxiety at the thought of losing them, you constantly seek reassurance, give up your own needs, friends or interests to keep the relationship, or stay in relationships that hurt you because being alone feels unbearable. It can happen with partners, family or friends.
What helps: treatments and professionals
Psychologists and psychotherapists can help you understand where these patterns come from and build a more secure sense of self. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), schema therapy, attachment-focused and psychodynamic approaches are often used, as well as work on self-esteem, assertiveness and boundaries. If the relationship involves control or abuse, specialised support services can also help.
When to seek urgent help
If you are in a relationship where you are threatened, controlled, harmed or afraid, and you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services. Specialised domestic violence services can help you plan for safety. Seek urgent help too if the fear of losing someone, or a breakup, leads to thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life.
What you can do in the meantime
Try to rebuild areas of your life that do not depend on one person: friendships, hobbies, time alone and personal goals. Notice when you seek reassurance and practise tolerating a little uncertainty. Writing about your feelings can help you recognise patterns. Lean on people who respect you, and look for reliable information on healthy relationships and warning signs of control.
What does a clinical psychologist do?
A clinical psychologist assesses, diagnoses and treats mental health problems in children, adults or older people. Day to day they conduct clinical interviews, use validated questionnaires and tests, formulate what keeps the problem going, and deliver evidence-based therapies. They often work in hospitals, community mental health teams or private practice, and coordinate with psychiatrists, family doctors and social services.
When to see a clinical psychologist
A clinical psychologist is a good choice for moderate to severe or persistent difficulties: anxiety disorders, depression, obsessive-compulsive problems, trauma, eating disorders, personality difficulties, or when a formal diagnosis or report is needed. If medication may be needed or there is a risk to safety, a psychiatrist should also be involved. For coaching or personal growth, other professionals may fit better.
How to choose
When choosing, check the licence and training, the approach they use and whether they have experience with what you need. Consider practical aspects too: language, price, location or online sessions and availability. The relationship with the professional matters a great deal; if after a few sessions it does not feel right, it is fine to change.
Frequently asked questions
Does the public health system in New Zealand cover psychological care?
Free short-term mental health and wellbeing support for mild to moderate distress is offered in many general practices through the Access and Choice programme, delivered by Health Improvement Practitioners and health coaches. Depending on the region you can book directly or be referred by your GP or practice nurse, often on the same day. Availability depends on the practice; people with more severe needs are referred by their GP to specialist mental health services.
How do I check that a clinical psychologist is licensed in New Zealand?
New Zealand Psychologists Board (Te Poari Kaimātai Hinengaro o Aotearoa): Psychologist is a protected title: only people registered with the Board may use it, and they also need a current practising certificate. Check the register for their scope of practice (Psychologist or Clinical Psychologist) and practising certificate.