Loneliness

Loneliness is subjective. Some people have few contacts and feel content; others are surrounded by people and still feel deeply alone. What matters is the gap between the connection you have and the connection you need.

It's useful to distinguish loneliness from social isolation. Social isolation is an objective lack of social contact, such as living alone, rarely seeing others or having no one to call. Loneliness is the emotional experience. The two often go together, but not always.

Researchers sometimes describe different types:

• Emotional loneliness: missing a close, intimate bond, such as a partner or best friend.
• Social loneliness: lacking a wider network or sense of belonging.
• Existential loneliness: a deep sense of being separate or misunderstood.

Public health experts increasingly talk about a loneliness epidemic, reflecting concern that many people, across age groups, feel disconnected. Whatever the scale, your own experience of loneliness is valid and deserves attention.

Feeling lonely can show up in different ways:

• A sense of emptiness or of being invisible
• Feeling misunderstood, left out or unimportant
• Craving connection but finding it hard to reach out
• Sleep problems, low energy or restlessness
• Spending a lot of time on screens to fill the silence
• Becoming more self-critical or sensitive to rejection

Long-term loneliness is linked to a higher risk of depression and anxiety, poorer sleep, and physical health problems, including cardiovascular disease. It can also create a cycle: when we feel lonely, the brain becomes more alert to social threat, which can make interactions feel riskier and lead people to withdraw further.

Loneliness in older adults is a particular concern, but young people, new parents, people who have moved, caregivers and those with disabilities or chronic illness are also at higher risk.

Loneliness has many possible causes:

• Life transitions: moving, starting college, changing jobs, retiring, becoming a parent or going through a divorce
• Bereavement and loss
• Remote work or irregular schedules
• Health problems or disabilities that limit mobility
• Social anxiety, low self-esteem or past experiences of rejection
• Feeling different, for example because of culture, identity, sexuality or neurodivergence
• Relationships that lack emotional intimacy

Being lonely in a relationship is common, too. It can happen when partners stop sharing feelings, are stuck in conflict or feel emotionally distant. It can be especially painful because it's hidden behind the appearance of togetherness.

Having no friends, or feeling like you don't, is something many adults experience, often after life changes. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you; adult friendships simply require more deliberate effort than they did at school.

There's no instant fix, but small, steady steps help:

• Start small. Send a message to someone you've lost touch with, or chat briefly with a neighbor or colleague.
• Look for regular, shared activities. Classes, volunteering, sports teams, faith communities or hobby groups provide repeated contact, which helps friendships grow.
• Focus on quality. One or two meaningful connections can matter more than many superficial ones.
• Notice negative assumptions. Thoughts like "nobody wants to hear from me" are common in loneliness and often inaccurate.
• Be mindful of social media. It can connect, but passive scrolling can increase feelings of exclusion.
• Look after yourself. Sleep, movement and time outdoors support mood and energy.
• Consider pets, community gardens or local events as low-pressure ways to connect.

If you're lonely in a relationship, try sharing your feelings openly with your partner, without blame, and consider couples therapy if the distance persists.

A psychologist or licensed therapist can help you understand what's behind your loneliness and build skills to connect. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can address negative thoughts about yourself and others, social anxiety and avoidance. Interpersonal therapy focuses on relationships, transitions and grief. Group therapy offers connection in itself.

Therapy can be especially helpful if loneliness is tied to depression, social anxiety, past trauma, grief or difficulties trusting others. For couples, therapy can help rebuild emotional closeness.

In the first session, the therapist will ask about your relationships, daily routine, history and what you're hoping for. Talking to someone who listens without judgment can itself bring relief.

Seek support if loneliness has lasted a long time, is affecting your mood or health, or if you feel hopeless. If you're having thoughts of suicide, please reach out now: call or text 988 in the US, call Samaritans at 116 123 in the UK and Ireland, or call your local emergency number.