About emotional dependency
Emotional dependency shows as an intense fear of abandonment, needing constant approval or staying in relationships that cause harm. Therapy works on self-esteem, boundaries and the patterns learned in previous relationships.
Psychoanalysts work with psychoanalytic or psychodynamic therapy, which explores how past experiences and unconscious patterns shape present feelings and relationships. It is usually a longer, in-depth process. Training and titles vary by country: check each professional’s background.
Getting mental health care in Tokelau
Public health system · Tokelau Department of Health
Health care is provided by the Tokelau Department of Health, which is limited by staff and funding. The New Zealand Mental Health Act is applied in Tokelau.
Urgent help in Tokelau
If your life or someone else's is in danger, call the emergency number now. These services can help at any time:
- 23114 · Fanuafala Hospital (Fakaofo)
Information reviewed in November 2026 · Sources: who.int
Signs to look out for
Wanting closeness is human. It may be emotional dependency when your well-being depends almost entirely on one person, you feel intense anxiety at the thought of losing them, you constantly seek reassurance, give up your own needs, friends or interests to keep the relationship, or stay in relationships that hurt you because being alone feels unbearable. It can happen with partners, family or friends.
What helps: treatments and professionals
Psychologists and psychotherapists can help you understand where these patterns come from and build a more secure sense of self. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), schema therapy, attachment-focused and psychodynamic approaches are often used, as well as work on self-esteem, assertiveness and boundaries. If the relationship involves control or abuse, specialised support services can also help.
When to seek urgent help
If you are in a relationship where you are threatened, controlled, harmed or afraid, and you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services. Specialised domestic violence services can help you plan for safety. Seek urgent help too if the fear of losing someone, or a breakup, leads to thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life.
What you can do in the meantime
Try to rebuild areas of your life that do not depend on one person: friendships, hobbies, time alone and personal goals. Notice when you seek reassurance and practise tolerating a little uncertainty. Writing about your feelings can help you recognise patterns. Lean on people who respect you, and look for reliable information on healthy relationships and warning signs of control.
What does a psychoanalyst do?
A psychoanalyst works with people who want to explore how early experiences, desires, conflicts and unconscious patterns influence how they feel, relate and choose today. Day to day they listen closely, help connect present difficulties with personal history, and pay attention to dreams, repetitions and the relationship with the analyst. Sessions are usually frequent and the process tends to be long-term.
When to see a psychoanalyst
Psychoanalysis or psychodynamic therapy may suit you if you notice repeating patterns in relationships, a persistent sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction, or want to understand yourself in depth and are open to a longer process. If you need quick relief for a specific symptom, such as panic attacks or a phobia, a structured approach like CBT may be more appropriate first.
How to choose
When choosing, check the licence and training, the approach they use and whether they have experience with what you need. Consider practical aspects too: language, price, location or online sessions and availability. The relationship with the professional matters a great deal; if after a few sessions it does not feel right, it is fine to change.
Frequently asked questions
Does the public health system in Tokelau cover psychological care?
Health care is provided by the Tokelau Department of Health, which is limited by staff and funding. The New Zealand Mental Health Act is applied in Tokelau.