About couples therapy
Couples therapy helps partners improve communication, handle conflict, rebuild trust after a crisis or make decisions together, including separation. Sessions are usually joint, sometimes with individual meetings. It is not about deciding who is right but about understanding the patterns between you.
Psychoanalysts work with psychoanalytic or psychodynamic therapy, which explores how past experiences and unconscious patterns shape present feelings and relationships. It is usually a longer, in-depth process. Training and titles vary by country: check each professional’s background.
Getting mental health care in New Zealand
Public health system · Health New Zealand | Te Whatu Ora
Free short-term mental health and wellbeing support for mild to moderate distress is offered in many general practices through the Access and Choice programme, delivered by Health Improvement Practitioners and health coaches. Depending on the region you can book directly or be referred by your GP or practice nurse, often on the same day. Availability depends on the practice; people with more severe needs are referred by their GP to specialist mental health services. More information
How to check that a professional is licensed
- New Zealand Psychologists Board (Te Poari Kaimātai Hinengaro o Aotearoa). Psychologist is a protected title: only people registered with the Board may use it, and they also need a current practising certificate. Check the register for their scope of practice (Psychologist or Clinical Psychologist) and practising certificate. Search the official register
- Medical Council of New Zealand. Doctors, including psychiatrists, must be registered with the Medical Council. The public register shows scope of practice and whether the doctor holds a current annual practising certificate. Search the official register
- Psychotherapists Board of Aotearoa New Zealand (PBANZ). Psychotherapists are regulated under the Health Practitioners Competence Assurance Act 2003 and are listed on the Board's public register. Counsellor is not a protected title.
Urgent help in New Zealand
If your life or someone else's is in danger, call the emergency number now. These services can help at any time:
- 111 · Emergency (111)
- 1737 · 1737 Need to talk?
- 0800 543 354 · Lifeline Aotearoa
- 0508 828 865 · Suicide Crisis Helpline (0508 TAUTOKO)
Information reviewed in November 2026 · Sources: psychologistsboard.org.nz, mcnz.org.nz, tewhatuora.govt.nz, mentalhealth.org.nz
Signs to look out for
All couples argue. It may be time to seek help when the same arguments repeat without resolution, conversations quickly turn into criticism or silence, you feel lonely within the relationship, affection or sex have faded and that worries you, trust has been broken, or a big change such as a baby, illness or a move has unbalanced things. Considering separation is also a reason to talk.
What helps: treatments and professionals
Couples therapy approaches with good evidence include emotionally focused therapy, integrative behavioural couple therapy, cognitive-behavioural couples therapy and the Gottman method. Couples therapists, psychologists and psychotherapists with couples training usually lead the work, and a sex therapist can help when sexual concerns are central. Therapy can help couples reconnect, or separate with less damage, especially when children are involved.
When to seek urgent help
If there is physical violence, threats, sexual coercion, or you feel afraid of your partner, your safety comes first: contact your local emergency services if you are in immediate danger, and seek specialised support for domestic violence. Couples therapy is not recommended in these situations. Seek urgent help too if anyone has thoughts of suicide or harming others.
What you can do in the meantime
Choose calm moments to talk about difficult topics, rather than in the middle of an argument. Try to describe how you feel and what you need, instead of criticising. Take a break if things escalate and agree to come back to it. Make time for small moments of connection. Reading reliable information on relationships together can also open useful conversations.
What does a psychoanalyst do?
A psychoanalyst works with people who want to explore how early experiences, desires, conflicts and unconscious patterns influence how they feel, relate and choose today. Day to day they listen closely, help connect present difficulties with personal history, and pay attention to dreams, repetitions and the relationship with the analyst. Sessions are usually frequent and the process tends to be long-term.
When to see a psychoanalyst
Psychoanalysis or psychodynamic therapy may suit you if you notice repeating patterns in relationships, a persistent sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction, or want to understand yourself in depth and are open to a longer process. If you need quick relief for a specific symptom, such as panic attacks or a phobia, a structured approach like CBT may be more appropriate first.
How to choose
When choosing, check the licence and training, the approach they use and whether they have experience with what you need. Consider practical aspects too: language, price, location or online sessions and availability. The relationship with the professional matters a great deal; if after a few sessions it does not feel right, it is fine to change.
Frequently asked questions
Does the public health system in New Zealand cover psychological care?
Free short-term mental health and wellbeing support for mild to moderate distress is offered in many general practices through the Access and Choice programme, delivered by Health Improvement Practitioners and health coaches. Depending on the region you can book directly or be referred by your GP or practice nurse, often on the same day. Availability depends on the practice; people with more severe needs are referred by their GP to specialist mental health services.
How do I check that a psychoanalyst is licensed in New Zealand?
New Zealand Psychologists Board (Te Poari Kaimātai Hinengaro o Aotearoa): Psychologist is a protected title: only people registered with the Board may use it, and they also need a current practising certificate. Check the register for their scope of practice (Psychologist or Clinical Psychologist) and practising certificate.