About emotional dependency
Emotional dependency shows as an intense fear of abandonment, needing constant approval or staying in relationships that cause harm. Therapy works on self-esteem, boundaries and the patterns learned in previous relationships.
Psychoanalysts work with psychoanalytic or psychodynamic therapy, which explores how past experiences and unconscious patterns shape present feelings and relationships. It is usually a longer, in-depth process. Training and titles vary by country: check each professional’s background.
Getting mental health care in New Zealand
Public health system · Health New Zealand | Te Whatu Ora
Free short-term mental health and wellbeing support for mild to moderate distress is offered in many general practices through the Access and Choice programme, delivered by Health Improvement Practitioners and health coaches. Depending on the region you can book directly or be referred by your GP or practice nurse, often on the same day. Availability depends on the practice; people with more severe needs are referred by their GP to specialist mental health services. More information
How to check that a professional is licensed
- New Zealand Psychologists Board (Te Poari Kaimātai Hinengaro o Aotearoa). Psychologist is a protected title: only people registered with the Board may use it, and they also need a current practising certificate. Check the register for their scope of practice (Psychologist or Clinical Psychologist) and practising certificate. Search the official register
- Medical Council of New Zealand. Doctors, including psychiatrists, must be registered with the Medical Council. The public register shows scope of practice and whether the doctor holds a current annual practising certificate. Search the official register
- Psychotherapists Board of Aotearoa New Zealand (PBANZ). Psychotherapists are regulated under the Health Practitioners Competence Assurance Act 2003 and are listed on the Board's public register. Counsellor is not a protected title.
Urgent help in New Zealand
If your life or someone else's is in danger, call the emergency number now. These services can help at any time:
- 111 · Emergency (111)
- 1737 · 1737 Need to talk?
- 0800 543 354 · Lifeline Aotearoa
- 0508 828 865 · Suicide Crisis Helpline (0508 TAUTOKO)
Information reviewed in November 2026 · Sources: psychologistsboard.org.nz, mcnz.org.nz, tewhatuora.govt.nz, mentalhealth.org.nz
Signs to look out for
Wanting closeness is human. It may be emotional dependency when your well-being depends almost entirely on one person, you feel intense anxiety at the thought of losing them, you constantly seek reassurance, give up your own needs, friends or interests to keep the relationship, or stay in relationships that hurt you because being alone feels unbearable. It can happen with partners, family or friends.
What helps: treatments and professionals
Psychologists and psychotherapists can help you understand where these patterns come from and build a more secure sense of self. Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), schema therapy, attachment-focused and psychodynamic approaches are often used, as well as work on self-esteem, assertiveness and boundaries. If the relationship involves control or abuse, specialised support services can also help.
When to seek urgent help
If you are in a relationship where you are threatened, controlled, harmed or afraid, and you are in immediate danger, contact your local emergency services. Specialised domestic violence services can help you plan for safety. Seek urgent help too if the fear of losing someone, or a breakup, leads to thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life.
What you can do in the meantime
Try to rebuild areas of your life that do not depend on one person: friendships, hobbies, time alone and personal goals. Notice when you seek reassurance and practise tolerating a little uncertainty. Writing about your feelings can help you recognise patterns. Lean on people who respect you, and look for reliable information on healthy relationships and warning signs of control.
What does a psychoanalyst do?
A psychoanalyst works with people who want to explore how early experiences, desires, conflicts and unconscious patterns influence how they feel, relate and choose today. Day to day they listen closely, help connect present difficulties with personal history, and pay attention to dreams, repetitions and the relationship with the analyst. Sessions are usually frequent and the process tends to be long-term.
When to see a psychoanalyst
Psychoanalysis or psychodynamic therapy may suit you if you notice repeating patterns in relationships, a persistent sense of emptiness or dissatisfaction, or want to understand yourself in depth and are open to a longer process. If you need quick relief for a specific symptom, such as panic attacks or a phobia, a structured approach like CBT may be more appropriate first.
How to choose
When choosing, check the licence and training, the approach they use and whether they have experience with what you need. Consider practical aspects too: language, price, location or online sessions and availability. The relationship with the professional matters a great deal; if after a few sessions it does not feel right, it is fine to change.
Frequently asked questions
Does the public health system in New Zealand cover psychological care?
Free short-term mental health and wellbeing support for mild to moderate distress is offered in many general practices through the Access and Choice programme, delivered by Health Improvement Practitioners and health coaches. Depending on the region you can book directly or be referred by your GP or practice nurse, often on the same day. Availability depends on the practice; people with more severe needs are referred by their GP to specialist mental health services.
How do I check that a psychoanalyst is licensed in New Zealand?
New Zealand Psychologists Board (Te Poari Kaimātai Hinengaro o Aotearoa): Psychologist is a protected title: only people registered with the Board may use it, and they also need a current practising certificate. Check the register for their scope of practice (Psychologist or Clinical Psychologist) and practising certificate.